Guilt

Guilt.jpgOn Monday I found myself in a common situation for  me. Feeling guilty about not doing something I’d planned. I felt guilty despite my logical side knowing it would have been stupid doing what I’d planned based on how I’d felt.

What had I planned ?

Riding home from Taunton. This would have involved getting up at 5am and riding pretty much non stop for 10 hours to get back to London before rush hour traffic.

How did I feel ?

My alarm went off at 4:30am and I felt so dead to the world it didn’t even cross my mind to get up immediately. My mind mulled it over and prevented sleep. An dialogue went on till I’d kinda passed the time where the goal was really achievable. It probably still was but this was sufficient to allow me to fall back to sleep. I slept a fair while longer and woke refreshed to a beautiful day and MASSIVE guilt that I was missing it and was going to have to  spend thirty five quid on getting a train home.

Why logical not to do the session ?

To start with I’ve got the European Long Course championships this coming Saturday (more on that later). That alone would not completely rule this out. Well it wouldn’t rule it out in my books but probably it would in most. So lets just ignore that for now ;o). The previous few days training leading to this Monday morning impasse had been:

  • Thursday – mid summer madness – 100 miles at pace. Serious watts which caused a few discussions with friends. Seems my 269 average may be a little high and getting it calculated from a more reliable source gave 259. Anyway thats a tangent. It was a pretty tiring event and it also meant I went 48 hours with only 3 hours sleep.
  • Friday – REST – sensible ! Did stay up watching the World Cup though
  • Saturday – up at the crack of dawn and rode 168 miles to Taunton in 9.5 hrs ride time, 10.5 elapsed. I felt very strong
  • Sunday – nearly 50 hilly miles split by supporting Jo at UK IM 70.3

I think thats probably enough effort so close to a pretty big race. But I still felt guilty.

Why Blog About it ?

Part of the purpose of this blog was to share my experience of training for big endurance events. Hopefully some of what I go through will ring true with readers and perhaps seeing that I go through doubts and guilt may make you feel not so bad if you feel the same. Also, writing out here makes me see I made the right choice. Though it would have been monster and I’d have buzzed after. I did manage my planned 100+ miler today which also helped decide against Mondays ride. Since I felt on fire today perhaps the decision was right.

Since recovery from Lanza it’s been an interesting few weeks of training. I’ve got into a nice groove largely ride focussed and a large part of me wishes I wasn’t racing this weekend as I could see this nicely building towards Kona but a big race will result in my losing this rhythm I’ve found.

I’m definitely feeling fit again and feeling relaxed which is a great sign. However, my preparation for this is far from ideal. I’m overweight for sure – 4-5kgs heavier than at Lanza. That will cost on the run.

The three weeks training I did through to this last Sunday were as follows:

  • WEEK1 Swim: 4 km, Bike: 460 miles, Run: 6 miles
  • WEEK2 Swim: 8 km, Bike: 427 miles, Run: 24 miles
  • WEEK3 Swim: 5 km, Bike: 447 miles, Run: 17 miles

You don’t  need to be Einstein to work out thats far from balanced. So, hows it looking ?

Swim: despite the small amount of swimming there’s been some quality in there. 1:11 100ms and a 5:15 400m with paddles (historically I’m 5+s per 100 slower with paddles). These are good signs. I’m swimming tomorrow to see how I feel but I reckon I can swim well. However, I’m living on borrowed time with this lack of swimming and I KNOW when I start back on my Kona build I need to up my swimming significantly. I don’t want to face the Kona swim start in less than toptastic swim shape

Bike: what can I say it is going like a dream. I’ve been doing generally long aerobic riding but the speed this has been at has been very pleasing. I’ve been enjoying some ripping off of legs and some real fun ‘races’ up hills and the like. I’m thoroughly enjoying it at the moment. I’m confident about this at the weekend

Run: completely lacking. Following my Lanza run I was super keen to go so it’s a little disappointing whats actually happened. In fact, not only is the running low but most of it has been running to get somewhere – so none has really been a focussed session. This on top of my weight gain could mean Saturday being far from pretty.

There is a reason for this lack of running though. I will come clean – my foot was hurting a little more than I’d have liked post Lanza. I had sensations in the ball of my foot I wasn’t 100% happy with. I wondered whether the riding may be the problem but felt that it was running that put the stress on the foot and as such there was enough doubt in my mind that I held back running. For about a week now the foot has settled down completely and I’m feeling far more comfortable about it. This weekend will be a test of it and if it feels OK I will steadily build my running again over the summer.

This entry was posted in Motivation, Race Preview, Training and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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